EXCUSES AND REASONS PEOPLE GIVE FOR SLAVING FOR SALARY

Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. You don’t thrive on assumptions; you should thrive on accurate and reliable information

        Let me emphatically say that I do not have a problem with those earn a decent living from their jobs. No my problem is not with them. My problem is with those who have the capacity to build businesses but who are satisfied with the peanuts they receive from their jobs. The highest any employer can pay you in Nigeria as a basic salary monthly is 8,000 Dollars. That is about 1 million Naira. Now if you can earn a million Naira a month, if your employer feels you are worth that amount, just imagine how much you can earn for yourself if you were your own boss. Here is a punch line: YOU EARN A MEAGER AMOUNT COMPARED TO HOW MUCH YOUR BOSS MAKES ,NO MATTER HOW LARGE YOUR SALARY IS. So if you are earning, say, 1 million Naira a month, your boss is making almost a hundred million Naira. Here is how Dr.Sunny Obazu Ojeagbase of the SUCCESS DIGEST fame puts it. He says: “If your employees ask you for the moon, give it to them. But ask them for the sun”.
          The best you can be working for someone else is a glorified servant. And there is nothing wrong with that, is there? Well, we can’t do anything about the fact that there will be leaders and there will be followers. My call is for that leader who is trailing his boss like a follower. My call is for that wolf in sheep clothing. Why allow the addictiveness of salary, its regularity and predictability deprive you of the greatness you should become? Why enjoy yourself when you have all it takes to help hundreds of people by creating businesses that employ them? If you are in this category, I think you are very selfish. And I sincerely don’t have an apology to you for that. What nice things should be said to you when you have all it takes to build businesses? Dr.Myles Munroe is right: “Many die without fully releasing all of their potentials. They die full rather than die empty”.
       Let me discuss some wrong notions, excuses and deceptions people have for salary
NOTION ONE: YOU CAN WORK FOR A CERTAIN PERIOD,RESIGN ,AND START ON YOUR OWN.
       Seemingly true. May I ask you this question? Are you sure you can resign from a well paid job with all those responsibilities you now have? I can imagine  your wife telling you: “Are you sure all is well with you?” Of course you know what that means. I can imagine your mother, if you have the privilege of having her alive, telling: “My child, I am your mother. I don’t think that is a right decision.” Now think of those relatives that come to you for help. Do you sincerely think you want to let go of that respect? You cannot work for a certain period and resign just like that, especially if your pay is VERY good. I know a fellow who told me that he would leave after five years of work with a certain oil company. Guess what? He has spent 10 years now! And he doesn’t seem ready to leave. The only thing that may force him out of there is a sack letter.
NOTION TWO:  YOU CAN START A BUSINESS WHILE YOU WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
        Great idea, isn’t it? May be. A lot of the seemingly job secured  guys do that. They pull their funds together and start up something. But they aren’t there because they are busy. Who manages it? They expose themselves to the risk of being siphoned.
        Okay, let us assume the manager is a relative, a member of his family. Does that change anything? Please answer that question.
         May be there are examples of some businesses like this working. Seems like a possibility ,isn’t it? Answer: Take out the external funds from these seemingly job secured money bags, can the business really stand without the continuous influx of external funds? If they are standing, have they broken even? To break even means that the investors have gotten back all the money they put in the business. The truth is that the person who created the business must wean the business to actualization.
       I observe a great deal. Here is one of my findings. How many part time pastors run larger churches than full time pastors? Almost none. By the way, our modern day pastors are social entrepreneurs, or are they not? Are we so gripped with religious fear we don’t want to accept this? Anyway, there is nothing wrong with them being entrepreneurs. Here is what you will notice: pastors who put in all their energy into their organizations have a lot of support from their followers. Those who do it part time notice that their people depend on them to put in their own resources. Jesus didn’t teach us to do part time. He understood this dynamics. No  matter how you try you cannot surpass  those who are full time. You may seem to be succeeding initially but over time the full time guys leave you trailing at their  backs. Life has a compensation plan. Fully committed people are fully rewarded.

NOTION THREE: YOUR SALARY CAN SERVE AS CAPITAL
       Yes. That is if you are among the  lucky 4 percent or the shaky 6 percent, or may be among the low earning 15 percent who have jobs. But what if you are among the unlucky 75 percent who don’t have jobs? What salary would be your capital? Again, you raise so much money and give it to someone else to spend it for you. Nice idea, right?
 NOTION FOUR: THAT YOU NEED EXPERIENCE TO BEGIN A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS
        Notice that I underlined SUCCESSFUL. You don’t need experience  to run a successful business. Yes, with some experience you can run a business. Your success would be to the degree of the experience you have .In other words ,your true originality will be put to the background and the so-called experiential system that you assume is best will gain preeminence, thus actually limiting your true possibilities. Which experience does Mark Zuckerberg of FACE BOOK have? At 24 years he is already a billionaire. Which experience does Larry Page and Sergey Brim founders of GOOGLE have? These are entrepreneurs the world talks about. Which experience did Richard Branson of the VIRGIN GROUP have when he started his business at 16?Which experience did Michael Dell of DELL COMPUTERS have? Dell began his business in his campus hostel at 19. Which experience did Bill Gates and Paul Allen have? They are the founders of multibillion dollars company MICROSOFT. Bill Gates was 19.Okay ,before you eat me up! Let me give Nigerian examples: Which experience did Jimoh Ibrahim have? Which experience did Dangote have? What church did Chris Oyakhilome serve under before he started his world renown church? Where did David Oyedepo serve long before he started his ministry?
        Apprenticeship is good, but must you serve in some one ‘s organization to learn. Must it be a master-servant relationship? Can’t we learn from constant interactions with our mentors? Must we serve in their organizations or churches?
       You see, there is a world class vision in you. Any form of mentorship should only draw out your true YOU, not superimpose anything on you. Chances are that you may think that the thing in you is inferior when you work for someone else.
EXCUSE ONE      :ISN’T IT ALL ABOUT BEING SUCCESSFUL?
               Really? If you think like that then close this book and read no further. You know why? This book is for people who think beyond themselves. This book is for unselfish people. This book is for those who want to move from survival and success to significance. Anybody can buy car, build a house, marry a wife or husband. Anybody. Success in the long run is measured in how you’re your name can reign even when you are gone, not those toys that diminish or properties people may not know is yours unless someone tells them. You are different when you dare do what few really want to do. You are different when you build a business that eventually employs people and impacts lives. Henry Ford is long gone but his car is still driven today as FORD; Conrad Nicholson Hilton is long dead but his hotels are still talked about all over the world. Jesus left the earth 2000 years ago and people are still talking about him today. He is a song on every one’s lips. It is either you love or you hate; it is either you worship him or you vehemently criticize him. Whichever way, you talk about him! That is success!
             The deep down quest for contribution is the reason for many churches and NGOs. Do you not notice that churches break almost every day. People crave for leadership. It is in man. We were not created to be ruled. We prefer interdependence, but eventually rebel against any form of slavery. Sincerely, I think that it is great ,although I am aware many go into it for their own selfish benefit.
           The entrepreneur in you will always seek expression.
EXCUSE TWO: I DON’T LIKE MY JOB,BUT BILLS!HOW DO YOU HANDLE THAT?
            That is the reason I am going after the university students just before they leave school. That is why I going for the job seekers, the unemployed. You don’t want to taste salary.It is addictive. You don’t want to be trapped in the rat race of life. You may never be able to come out of it.Every now and then I organize seminars on campuses to tell  students  what they should expect out there;that they should stop being disillusioned about a great job out there. We have started a consortium in some universities where the students can brain storm and plan for their future. They learn to develop business skills and other leadership skills.The vision is to have these consortium all over the Nigerian universities. And we will do it.We also run weekly community meetings to help those who are not in school and are unemployed.
         Really,if you don’t like your job, fire your boss, and start your own business. “Fortune favours the bold” ,the old saying goes. Providence supports commitment.The moment you move,Life will move too.Stop thinking about your bills and start focusing on service to others.Things will fall in place eventually.
 EXCUSE 3: WHAT IF I ENGAGE IN BUSINESS AND IT FAILS?
         Like I already mentioned in the first chapter, failure is part of the success process. If you haven’t read books written by Robert Kiyosaki, especially his bestselling book, RICH DAD,POOR DAD,then you should get it RIGHT NOW. May be you have and it is stacked somewhere in your library.GO RIGHT NOW AND PULL IT OUT. Once you are through reading this book, pick it up and read it. Some people stack up books in their library and pride themselves with those collections when they should be stacking up these books in their mental libraries. If you have read the book, you will notice that Robert’s Rich dad says to him that most successful business men suffer at least 3 MAJOR BUSINESS FAILURES before they get it right. I think that is worthy of note. The reason for failure is inadequate knowledge. No matter how many books you read and guidance from mentors you have received, you will experience your own share of failures. Reason? No two businesses are exactly the same, and no matter how much you learn from anyone who has gotten ahead of you, you will still make your own mistakes. No matter how great your business plan is, it can still fail. Many factors could be responsible, including timing. The timing may have been right for your mentor but things may not just be the same when you begin yours. A certain man observed that the king was in dire need of a diplomat and wise counselor as issues were arising in the palace. He sent one of his two sons who was wise in all his ways. This son got the job and was on the king’s pay role. Then there was war and this man sent his second son who was a prized fighter, and of course the son got the job too. This old man’s neighbor noticed these happenings, but he wasn’t careful to observe. He sent the first of his two sons who was wise and cunning in his ways. The king was impressed but there was war in the land, and he needed warriors, not sages or diplomats. So he ordered that  the tongue of this son be put out so that he does give the king’s enemies ideas. Without observation again this neighbor sent his second son who was a prized fighter. But now the land was experiencing peace and the king was starved of wise men. When this neighbour’s prized fighter arrived the king spoke harshly to him and asked that his foot be cut off so that he doesn’t fight for the King’s enemy.The difference between the two men was that one observed timing and the other did not.Times change in business and things are not always the same way. Circumstances differ. Personalities involved in the business differ. Taste of customers may change.Yesterday’s formula may not be today’s recipe for success.So you should prepare your mind for failure so that when it comes it doesn’t get you out. Now ,should that be a reason for not daring to go into business? I don’t think so. Napoleon Hill once said: “Every successful person finds that great success lie just beyond the point when they are convinced their idea is not going to work.”Bertie C. Forbes says, “History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heart breaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by defeats”.
         Entrepreneurs are tenacious people. They are not lily-livered people. They are not comfort conscious people. They handle constant pressure, calm down, think, learn from whatever mishap, and try again. Their insurance against failure is their persistence.And you see failure cannot cope with persistence. “Nothing splendid”, Bruce Barton once noted, “has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances”.
 EXCUSE FOUR:  I HAVE NO CAPITAL.
In another article, I will take my time to answer this question. I will show you how you can raise money for your business. I  will tell you what banks require before they can give you loan. I will show you other sources of funds to start.
 EXCUSE FIVE: I THINK I AM A FOLLOWER.I AM NOT CUT OUT FOR ENTREPRENEURSHIP.
        May be. May be not. You never can really say. Remember :YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH UNTIL YOU TRY. Dolly Patton walked through a mall and someone said to a friend close by, “That used to be Dolly” .Dolly heard those words and shouted back, “ I refuse to be limited by people who want me to believe I cannot be something else”. Benjamin Omin, speaker and friend, has this to say, “The problem with today’s society is that Many people have turned the theory of temperament into virtue. You don’t have to be a choleric or sanguine to be a successful business. Bill Gates is melancholic, Steve Jobs of Apple computers is a shy phlegmatic. For Every 10  Entrepreneur that comes out to talk about what they are doing, there are at least 70 more who would rather make a difference than talk about it”
      You may surprise yourself. Every one is a leader of some sort. Where I reside there is a big State Government Secretariat. I usually would just observe the thousands of people thronging in there. Many of them doing virtually nothing except move files! Many of them would retire and depend on pension. Most of them will never reach management status. I believe that they are grossly under-utilized. Most of them  have capacities they are not even aware of. I was privileged to deliver a lecture at a business school during  one of their 3 weeks management programs. As is my custom, I got to meet some of my students. Now most of them were older than me. There were some who were as old as my father, if not older. Curiosity got me to ask a few of them why they were taking the program. Well, all of them were civil servants and they were taking the program because of their fear for their retirement. One of them told me, “When I see those who have retired queue to get their pensions, I know that I don’t want this to happen to me”. I was touched.
         There is this other civil servant I know who has served for up to 30 years in the Government. When we spoke, he was afraid. He told me, “I don’t want this (his business)to die. But the challenge is that is I don’t have capable hands to run this place”. Who does he think would run his business for him. In the past 6 years he has had several managers  ruin his business. There is one on board and it is only a matter of time before the entire thing crashes. Now frail and sick, I saw this man move around his business premise wishing that he had given his active years into his dream and passion. His children are not interested in it because they did not see daddy commit to that vision. I wish him the best, though. Children buy into what their parents believe in.
           What you need is courage. What you need is motivation to attempt the heroic. John Maxwell says, “There is something within us that is thrilled to see a man or woman attempt the heroic. The pioneer, the successful entrepreneur, and the victorious athlete all speak to us about the ability of the human spirit to achieve monumental accomplishments when properly motivated.”A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. People of mediocre talent with courage and drive are doing great things. Don’t you see? Sophia Loren a popular Italian actress puts it like this: “Some people with mediocre talent, but with inner drive go much farther than people with vastly superior talent.”
         The opposite of courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. It easy to opt for a regular pay if you find one.It is easy to conform. It takes courage to be different. Stones are common; diamonds are rare.
www.georgeessien.com

UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE ARE PROUD PEOPLE

No one should call himself unemployed. If you are not employed ,deploy your skills. Most unemployed people are proud people; they are unwilling to start small. Some market women sell oil and build houses and even send their children to the university. You are there saying that you cannot sell oil because you are a graduate! Imagine if you sold oil but this time with style, packaging and intelligence. Let me tell you about Charles(Not his real name).Charles was my neighbor many years ago and so whatever I sharing is first hand and true. When we met he was preparing to go for service. After the usual long wait, he was posted to Abuja. There, he was privileged to work in ECOBANK. This was possible because the personnel manager who was recruiting was from his tribe.

It was a great experience for Charles because that was the first time he was leaving his State. However, before the end of the service year the personnel manager was transferred to Kaduna. He had promised to assist in helping Charles get retained in the bank. But now with the personnel manager transferred, Charles knew his chances were slimmer. He pulled a call to this man who still promised him that he would pull a few strings for Charles. Well, at the end of his service year, Charles had to return back to his State, hoping that he would receive that miracle call. He waited for 3 months! The call never came; and even though he pulled other calls through, all he received were promises and hopes.

Finally, Charles picked up his certificate and began roaming the streets, looking for a job. He was in every Government establishment ,dropping his CV and attending one aptitude test after another. I watched with keen interest how that he went about his endeavors. One day, I called him and said to him, “How about starting something, anything. No matter how small”. Well, after some time, Charles threw his pride away and began a laundry business! And guess what? In 3 months he had his own Lister Generator, his own shop and two people working for him !I saw him a year ago and asked him, “Are you still looking for a job?”.His response were: “Me? A job? Can they really pay me? What would happen to my business?”And now he had more hands working for him.

YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH UNTIL YOU TRY. The moment you throw away your pride, you can start where you are with what you have and get to any where you want to get to. Charles started his laundry business with just N4000! And he got that money from his friend. Next, Charles dressed good and went to the banks in his area. The bankers gave him their clothes because he looked good and spoke good. Charles also created a system that enabled the bankers to pay at the end of the month. With about 20 bankers giving him N10,000 every month to do all their laundry, He was making N200,000 monthly! Now that  excluded the other customers that came to him. Recently, Charles has introduced a new system. He comes to your home with a tricycle and picks all your laundry. All of this miraculous transformation happened in just one year! How about that for a success story! Like I said this story is one I am personally involved in. It is completely true.

UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE ARE FEARFUL

Fear of failure hinders all progress. Henry David Thoreau once said “If one advances in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life he has imagined ,he would come upon success unexpected in common hours”. That is what happened to Charles and that is what can happen to you too! Like I said earlier Action paralyses fear. What we need in Nigeria  are courageous men. We need the courage to start. Let me quote one of my favorite quotes by 15^th century German philosopher Johann Von Goethe. He once said: “Until one is committed ,there is hesitancy ,the chance to draw back, always ineffective, concerning all acts of creation and initiative…The moment one definitely commits one self ,the providence moves too. Whatever you can do ,or dream you can do, begin it .Boldness has genius ,power and magic in it. Begin it now! All sort of things occur to help one that would otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events rising in one favor all manner of unforeseen circumstances and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way”

If I were you, I would write out that statement and brood on it for a very long time. Fear has no place when there is action. So arise today. Awaken the entrepreneur within you. Without doubt, you have all it takes to be a mega entrepreneur. You are Nigeria’s hope. It has always been a privilege for me to speak in meetings. There are very few invitations I do not take. Speaking is my passion, especially when it comes to talking entrepreneurship.  Well, in the course of one of my speaking engagements, I met Rebecca(Not her real name).She was then in school and was desperately looking for something to do because of the financial conditions of her parents. When we met, I asked her what she could do? She could bake and cook well. “Use that to make money”, I said to her. And she did! All she needed to start was N1500.She produced cakes and went to corporate institutions, especially banks to sell them. They loved the cakes and soon people were asking her to bake their children’s birthday cake, their wedding cakes, and so on. Today, Rebecca drives a car from that business. Believe me it is barely five years from that time we met. It can happen to you too! All you simply have to do is start.

IT’S IN YOU!

When you ask God to make you great , He gives you a talent. Your greatness is in your talent. Ignore your talent and you invariable ignore your greatness. Your talent is whatever you can do with ease. Your talent  is your grace, your lubricant, your oil. Your talent is whatever you possess that you can trade with. It is that which you can exchange for money or fame.

Your talent is  what you can do that  people celebrate you about, those things that move people to laughter or tears. Your talent is whatever you know you can do but others don’t yet know you can do, may be because you  are shy about. Listen to you sing  in the bathroom. Look at those write-ups and articles you have written, volumes of them. Nobody has read them yet.

Your talent is that thing you can do but don’t really think is exceptional yet people appreciate you for it or tell you about it. It is so part of you, you do it with ease. You don’t recognize it yet it woahs others.

Your talent is whatever you can do that stirs up envy and jealousy and criticism. It is that thing you do that draws a teacher to you or draws you to a teacher.

Your talent is that thing that springs forth when you are under pressure. It is your response mechanism to emergency .It is that activity, action or reaction that burst forth under extreme situations of your life. They are the life savers that help you out in those situations. There is a character in you only circumstances can reveal. Heightened tension cracks the concealment of your talent, revealing sputters of its energy on that occasion.

Your talent is a pointer to your reason, your purpose. The presence or absence of a talent is the very essence of your creation. If you discover something then that may be where your destiny lies. If you intend to be a carpenter ,He would most likely give you a nail. What that means is that your talent is your life equipment for your life assignment. Also, the absence of talent but presence of strong desire can also give you a clue about your purpose. There are few things strong desire cannot accomplish. In the place of talent, desire could help one acquire a skill.

An unspoken contest exists: God’s gift to you versus man’s gift to us. Your endowment will always be superior to your conferment. Your potential is of greater value than your credentials. God would put a talent in you. That is His gift to you. Man’s gift to you could be a certificate or a title or an award. You will make more money , attain more fame, influence more people from your talents than from your degree. No Bishop conferment can compare to the man who is called from above. Men will elect you president for 4 to 5 years .Your God given talent will make you a leader that generations would not forget.

Your wisdom is to merge your formal training with your talent. There is no better advice than that. Parents should observe their children early enough and guide them along that path of their inclinations or fascination. Your wisdom is to merge your formal training with your talent. There is no better advice than that. Parents should observe their children early enough and guide them along that path of their inclinations or fascination.

All talents are raw. They need cultivation. Trading your talent is almost impossible until there is training. Here is where mentorship, role-modeling and coaching comes in.

MENTORS. A mentor is that individual in your life who has developed his talent to the point that you admire him. He is close to you. That is ,He has a relationship with you. He guides you.  He has gone ahead of you. He is NOT a friend. A friend loves you the way you are , a friend loves you too much to leave you the way you are.

ROLE-MODELS. A role-model is that individual who inspires you from a distance. You admire the person. But there is most likely no relationship between you and the person. Well, a mentor  can be a role -model but  a role-model is hardly ever your mentor because of the distance between you. You encounter him through his books, tapes , videos etc. He has a similar talent and has cultivated himself to a very high level.

COACH: A coach is that individual in your life that has an unusual ability to bring out the best in you. He has the capacity to train, but doesn’t necessarily have your kind of talent.To succeed, you must locate either a Mentor or Role-model or a Coach. For great talents  observe other greats. Then they submit to the rigours of training and discipline. Training births greatness. Tiger Woods started rigorously training golf from age 9.Serena and Venus Williams, long tennis champs, started at age 4. It  is said that Michael Jackson started extensive music training from age 6. All of them grew into greatness. Michael Jordan, legendary basket ball great, used to practice 100 free throws every single day. Before Tony Robbins became a world renowned motivational speaker, he exposed himself to 700 books on psychology, parapsychology, philosophy and business management. I hear he is the richest motivational speaker in the world. Zig Ziglar delivered 3000 free speeches before he became a renowned and sought after motivational speaker.

You must expose and drill yourself. Go out. See how others are doing it. Read  many books, especially in the area of your talent. Books will expose you to information, to techniques and strategies. Remember that your talent is one of your seeds of greatness, what are you doing about it?

3 APPROVALS THAT YOU MUST HAVE BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED

 The feeling of love is not an indication that you are ready; peace is. Peace is approval.

Feelings fluctuate. Feelings  are a mediocre way of confirming readiness or revealing compatibility. Real love is more than feeling. In fact, it begins where feelings stop.       

There is an inner witness. You first need inner approval. If there is no approval. If there is no peace in you, don’t make that move. Let peace always be your final indicator, your umpire. How do you know when there is ‘yes’ in you when you have not learnt how to fellowship with yourself? To fellowship with yourself is to enjoy singlehood, define your values , and set a trajectory for your life. To fellowship with yourself means to commune with your creator, the creator of  you.

The same way you felt before you applied and got that job, that contract, or pursued that career, is the same way you will feel when it comes to the choice of a partner. God will deal with you the same way. If it was through dreams, vision, strong impression, the pattern and method would not change. God doesn’t direct you to one person but to a group of women who have similar values, temperaments that can be compatible with you. This  happens through witness or inner peace.

The first approval you need is inner approval. Interestingly, that usually is God’s approval.

The second approval is mentoral or pastoral approval. Any engaged couple that doesn’t have mentoral or pastoral guidance is headed for trouble. People see what you don’t see. Focus is blind. You are so engrossed you need a  mentoral or pastoral perspective. Our emotions and involvements many times becloud our perspective.

Young woman, don’t marry a man who doesn’t have a pastor or mentor he listens to. This is important because in the days of trouble, you can run to that mentor and your husband would listen to that mentor.

Young man, don’t marry a woman who isn’t loyal to a church or synagogue. Her submission is all the proof you need to believe that she will submit to you. Also, her pastor knows her and can tell you what to watch out for! If your pastor expresses reservation, consider. Don’t back off, but consider. Weigh the odds. Let reason conquer emotions. People observe what you don’t observe.

Third approval is parental and family approval

If your relationship isolates you, then be carefully about it. It is naturally for parents ,siblings and friends to show some form of jealousy. After all, they love you . They want best for you. In the midst of the fray , there may be wisdom. Of course! Your parents are not always right. Prayerfully, get your parental consent. Don’t fight your parents. There is a blessing they must give you.

There are conditions when parents because of prejudice, sentiments, tribal issues or status, may oppose. Eloping is not the answer. Living together is not either. Fighting and quarrelling are not it. There is place called the inner chamber. Never underestimate the power of the inner chamber. The heart of men are in the hands of God. Begin your courtship with prayer. A spiritual foundation is the best marital foundation. Pray about any opposition

Remember that marriage is not for boys, but for men; women, not girls. Age indeed isn’t maturity or sign of it, but a 16 years old girl should not be talking marriage; for marriage is a daunting task. It is better to enjoy singlehood than carry the burden of marriage at that early age. Take this test of approval seriously.

What are your siblings saying? And your friends? Now, they mustn’t totally agree, but they must admit that your ‘person’ is OK for you. If your parent, sibling and friends vehemently oppose your relationship, stop and consider. Their consent is key. Their consent is their blessing.

HOW TO ATTRACT THE SPOUSE OF YOUR DREAMS

Marriage begins with YOU: Identifying who you are , what you have, what you like, and what you lack. It begins with self discovery. When you discover who you are, you know who don’t want.

Values are important. In fact, it is more important than the feelings of love, especially when it comes to marriage. In the long run, those things you value and share with your spouse are what will determine the longetivity of the relationship.

Until you discover yourself, your spouse cannot discover you. Self discovery leads to spouse discovery. When a woman becomes a wife in attitude and character, her husband shows up. If no man  is asking you for marriage, check yourself. The problem is not external, it is internal. Your values and personality create a magnetic flux around you. Young woman, if riff-raffs are the ones around you then the persona you are oozing is not that of a wife but of a harlot. Men sleep with girls but they marry wives.

What are your values? Have you made them habits, have you made them your life style? What are his/her values? Are they compatible with yours? What is your passion? Are your passions compatible or at least complimentary? They say, ‘opposite temperaments attract’ ; but it is similar values that will ‘glue’ the couple forever .Love is not what binds couples permanently together; it is  similar values.

Sex should never be your first motive for marriage. Remember that you will have plenty of it in the marriage. After all is said and done, something  in you would want a woman or man who shares similar or complimentary passions. Beauty is good, but go for content , for character.

When you find yourself, you find your spouse.

MY CONVERSATION WITH A LADY:

LIFE COACH: Why are you not married yet ?

 LADY: I have not seen the right man yet.

 LIFE COACH: That is not true.  And if it is so, it means that you have not become  the right woman yet. For when you become the right  woman the Right Man APPEARS.

You are struggling with choice because you don’t know who are. Knowledge births peace, rest. Your eyes see your ‘bone of your bone; flesh of your flesh’ when you discover yourself. The law of attraction states: “You don’t get what  you want or who want ,you get who you are” The man or woman around you is  usually consistent with who you are. If what you see you don’t like, look back at you. Your relationships are a reflection of you. Like attracts like.

Courtship is not marriage. It is better to have a broken courtship than to have a broken marriage. The word ‘courtship’ seems to have the word ‘court’ embedded in it. One marriage counselor says, “Courtship is not for intercourse but for interview”. Another one said, “When you start touching, you stop talking”. Interesting. Determine your values.

Ask your ‘intended’ questions. What are his/her dreams? Where are you going to? Is she or he of the same faith? If so, what doctrinal values may cause trouble? How can they be solved? When engaged couples ask questions they solve a lot of problems.

Never be desperate. Young woman, remember that men do the finding, you do the positioning. Don’t just say ‘yes’ , think about it. There is joke said among bachelors that has some kind of wit in it. It goes: “If you ask a lady to marry you and she says no, DON’T ASK HER AGAIN. She is not your wife. Your real wife will not say ‘NO’. At worst, she will say, ‘Let me think about it’. If she says, ‘Let me think about it’, ask her again. If she says, ‘YES’ the very moment you asked her, WATCH AND PRAY. Either she is desperate or your real wife.”

Values are important. They will form the bedrock of your future family. They’d influence and shape your children. Similar values should inform your decision  for marriage, not desperation. I receive a lot of mails from ladies who are past 30 and desperately want  to make a marital decision. I sympathize with them. But if staying that long was because you didn’t find someone who shared like values, you are not  in the wrong track. Usually, however, your remaining unmarried is because you haven’t become a wife in attitude or character; or that your husband showed up and you were not sensitive enough to recognize.

HOW TO CREATE A DESIRABLE FUTURE

Your future is not a mystery.Your future is predictable.The best way to predict your future is to CREATE IT! How do your create your future?

1.DECISION: You don't succeed because you are destined to.u succeed because you are determined to.Greatness is not your destiny, it is your choice. Your decision takes you from where you are to where you want to be.It is your vehicle. Even your indecision is a decision. Never complain about what you permit.Make that decision today! Why? You are a decision away from your next success.
2.ACTION: You deeds are seeds that will help you in your time of need.Your action is superior to your intentions.Men are similar in their promises but they differ in their performance. Actions have consequences.The world does not pay you for what you know but what you do.The world admires professors but they pay professionals.Professors accumulate knowledge , professionals apply knowledge.

 

An action is a moving idea. The hope of that idea is the action backing it. Action is the breath of life of an idea.You see, what makes an idea a living creature is action. That is how to create a desirable future. Take action. Take plenty actions and then you will experience plenty consequences. A series of actions birth motion. And motion inspires energy, universal energy. With motion you eventually experience promotion.

 

You are better of daring than staring.It is better to try and fail than to fail to try.

3.ASSOCIATION: Your friends take you to your future.Your Association determines your direction. John Mason says: "Friendship means friends on the same ship going to a particular direction". Your friends determine your future. Show me your friends and i can tell where you are going, how much you are truly worth. Where you will be in the next 5 years  is largely determined by 2 things: the books you read and the friends you keep.

 

Deliberately break into new circles of friendships, to increase your possibilities.Your network determines your net worth. Your contacts determine your contracts. You are probably one key idea and contact away from your first million or perhaps your next million. Network. Meet people. Join a network marketing business.

4.QUESTION: The quality of your life is determined by the quality of questions you ask yourself or fail to ask your self . There are 2 kinds of questions EMPOWERING QUESTIONS and DIS-EMPOWERING QUESTIONS.The first feeds your faith and starves your fears. The second feeds your fears and starve your faith.

 

Learn to ask your self the right questions. Where will I be in the next 5 years? If I keep doing what I am doing will i  get better? What skills must i develop? Do I have a workable plan? and lots more ...you think about them. Make sure these questions inspire you and empower you to act, not discourage you.
Follow these four principles and you would create your futuer