Feelings fluctuate. Feelings
are a mediocre way of confirming readiness or revealing compatibility.
Real love is more than feeling. In fact, it begins where feelings stop.
There is an inner witness. You first need inner approval. If
there is no approval. If there is no peace in you, don’t make that move. Let
peace always be your final indicator, your umpire. How do you know when there
is ‘yes’ in you when you have not learnt how to fellowship with yourself? To
fellowship with yourself is to enjoy singlehood, define your values , and set a
trajectory for your life. To fellowship with yourself means to commune with
your creator, the creator of you.
The same way you felt before you applied and got that job,
that contract, or pursued that career, is the same way you will feel when it
comes to the choice of a partner. God will deal with you the same way. If it
was through dreams, vision, strong impression, the pattern and method would not
change. God doesn’t direct you to one person but to a group of women who have
similar values, temperaments that can be compatible with you. This happens through witness or inner peace.
The first approval you need is inner approval. Interestingly,
that usually is God’s approval.
The second approval is mentoral or pastoral approval. Any
engaged couple that doesn’t have mentoral or pastoral guidance is headed for
trouble. People see what you don’t see. Focus is blind. You are so engrossed
you need a mentoral or pastoral perspective.
Our emotions and involvements many times becloud our perspective.
Young woman, don’t marry a man who doesn’t have a pastor or
mentor he listens to. This is important because in the days of trouble, you can
run to that mentor and your husband would listen to that mentor.
Young man, don’t marry a woman who isn’t loyal to a church or
synagogue. Her submission is all the proof you need to believe that she will
submit to you. Also, her pastor knows her and can tell you what to watch out
for! If your pastor expresses reservation, consider. Don’t back off, but
consider. Weigh the odds. Let reason conquer emotions. People observe what you
don’t observe.
Third approval is parental and family approval
If your relationship isolates you, then be carefully about
it. It is naturally for parents ,siblings and friends to show some form of
jealousy. After all, they love you . They want best for you. In the midst of
the fray , there may be wisdom. Of course! Your parents are not always right.
Prayerfully, get your parental consent. Don’t fight your parents. There is a
blessing they must give you.
There are conditions when parents because of prejudice,
sentiments, tribal issues or status, may oppose. Eloping is not the answer.
Living together is not either. Fighting and quarrelling are not it. There is place
called the inner chamber. Never underestimate the power of the inner chamber.
The heart of men are in the hands of God. Begin your courtship with prayer. A
spiritual foundation is the best marital foundation. Pray about any opposition
Remember that marriage is not for boys, but for men; women,
not girls. Age indeed isn’t maturity or sign of it, but a 16 years old girl
should not be talking marriage; for marriage is a daunting task. It is better
to enjoy singlehood than carry the burden of marriage at that early age. Take
this test of approval seriously.
What are your siblings saying? And your friends? Now, they
mustn’t totally agree, but they must admit that your ‘person’ is OK for you. If
your parent, sibling and friends vehemently oppose your relationship, stop and
consider. Their consent is key. Their consent is their blessing.
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