Values are important. In fact, it is more important than the
feelings of love, especially when it comes to marriage. In the long run, those
things you value and share with your spouse are what will determine the
longetivity of the relationship.
Until you discover yourself, your spouse cannot discover you.
Self discovery leads to spouse discovery. When a woman becomes a wife in
attitude and character, her husband shows up. If no man is asking you for marriage, check yourself.
The problem is not external, it is internal. Your values and personality create
a magnetic flux around you. Young woman, if riff-raffs are the ones around you
then the persona you are oozing is not that of a wife but of a harlot. Men
sleep with girls but they marry wives.
What are your values? Have you made them habits, have you
made them your life style? What are his/her values? Are they compatible with
yours? What is your passion? Are your passions compatible or at least
complimentary? They say, ‘opposite temperaments attract’ ; but it is similar values
that will ‘glue’ the couple forever .Love is not what binds couples permanently
together; it is similar values.
Sex should never be your first motive for marriage. Remember
that you will have plenty of it in the marriage. After all is said and done, something in you would want a woman or man who shares
similar or complimentary passions. Beauty is good, but go for content , for
character.
When you find yourself, you find your spouse.
MY CONVERSATION WITH A LADY:
LIFE COACH: Why are you not
married yet ?
LADY: I have not
seen the right man yet.
LIFE COACH: That
is not true. And if it is so, it means
that you have not become the right woman
yet. For when you become the right woman
the Right Man APPEARS.
You are struggling with choice because you don’t know who
are. Knowledge births peace, rest. Your eyes see your ‘bone of your bone; flesh of your flesh’ when you discover yourself.
The law of attraction states: “You don’t
get what you want or who want ,you get
who you are” The man or woman around you is
usually consistent with who you are. If what you see you don’t like,
look back at you. Your relationships are a reflection of you. Like attracts
like.
Courtship is not marriage. It is better to have a broken
courtship than to have a broken marriage. The word ‘courtship’ seems to have
the word ‘court’ embedded in it. One marriage counselor says, “Courtship is not
for intercourse but for interview”. Another one said, “When you start touching,
you stop talking”. Interesting. Determine your values.
Ask your ‘intended’ questions. What are his/her dreams? Where
are you going to? Is she or he of the same faith? If so, what doctrinal values
may cause trouble? How can they be solved? When engaged couples ask questions
they solve a lot of problems.
Never be desperate. Young woman, remember that men do the
finding, you do the positioning. Don’t just say ‘yes’ , think about it. There
is joke said among bachelors that has some kind of wit in it. It goes: “If you
ask a lady to marry you and she says no, DON’T ASK HER AGAIN. She is not your
wife. Your real wife will not say ‘NO’. At worst, she will say, ‘Let me think
about it’. If she says, ‘Let me think about it’, ask her again. If she says,
‘YES’ the very moment you asked her, WATCH AND PRAY. Either she is desperate or
your real wife.”
Values are important. They will form the bedrock of your
future family. They’d influence and shape your children. Similar values should
inform your decision for marriage, not
desperation. I receive a lot of mails from ladies who are past 30 and
desperately want to make a marital
decision. I sympathize with them. But if staying that long was because you
didn’t find someone who shared like values, you are not in the wrong track. Usually, however, your
remaining unmarried is because you haven’t become a wife in attitude or
character; or that your husband showed up and you were not sensitive enough to
recognize.
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